Confession. I have
Hyperhidrosis & it SUCKS. Hardly anyone knows because I've tried my hardest for 31 years to hide it. I know there are worse afflictions to have in life, but this is something that affects me every single day. It's embarrassing, gross & a plague I can't get out from under.
I've seen multiple doctors & dermatologists over the years. When I was a kid, my mom was told I was a "nervous child" & that I would grow out of it. I've had to do most of my own research & present it to doctors & dermatologists because most have no idea how to treat me.
You're not supposed to have it as a really small child but my family says I had sweaty palms when I was still an infant. My mom used to put washcloths in my backpack so I could wipe my hands during class at school. I tried to hide it though & usually left the cloth in bottom of my backpack where they gathered crayon & marker stains. I would get in trouble from my teachers because my pencil writing would smudge and the papers would be damp or crinkly once they dried.
I never wanted to hold hands with friends or boys & was terrified all through High School band that I would drop my Color Guard flag because of sweaty hands. Sweat would drip off my hands while I played clarinet onstage during band concerts.
Over the years I've tried many different treatments. When I was little my parents bought an
Iontophoresis unit on a doctors recommendation. It basically shocks the shit out of you for 30 minutes. I remember sitting on our old green couch trying not to cry. I thought I was being punished for having sweaty hands. I didn't know which was worse, the shocking or the sweating.
I've used
Drysol (Aluminum Chrloride) the most & the longest. It doesn't really help, but just makes it less intolerable. God knows what the long term side effects will be from all the chemical seeping into my body. I can't really think of any alternatives though & will deal with the consequences, if any, later.
There are short term side effects from the Drysol though. Most of the time it doesn't even decrease the sweating & it's a big waste of time. But nearly every time I use it, I get a type of chemical burn/rash on my hands. I have one on my right hand now that is healing. Moisturizers just make my hands sweat more, so it's a moot point trying to heal the burn. And of course all this torture makes my hands look years older than they should.
There were even times back in the late 90's where I would have sold my soul for a trip to Switzerland. Doctors there were performing
surgeries where they would go into your side under your armpit & cut sweat glands. There were 2 major drawbacks-1, lots of people ended up with collapsed lungs & 2, you usually end up just sweating someplace else (compensatory sweating). Sweaty hands are easier to hide than a sweaty face :P This type of surgery is now more readily available, even in the US & not as invasive but the compensatory sweating is still the #1 problem.
When I was 21 I brought a pile of research to a new doctor. I had found a
new pill (forgot the name of the exact one I took, it's been 10 years) that I wanted to try. It was almost certain to cause liver or kidney problems but I didn't care. I was going to be in a play & not only where there the super bright stage lights, but I had to hold hands with someone onstage & the audience was on stage with us (arena theater). I would have literally given a kidney to get rid of my Hyperhidrosis at that point. I stayed on the drug for 9 months but it gave me awful cotton mouth & I had to have blood tests nearly every month to make sure there was no internal organ damage.
I've never been able to try
Botox though, because of the cost. It's up there on my "When I win the lottery" list.
I have
Primary Hyperhidrosis, which means there is no reason for my condition. I have no other medical condition that causes it, no prescription drug to blame. Just simply a case of bad luck I suppose.
Hyperhidrosis is not a case of heat or nerves. Although I am an anxious person (made worse by the Hyperhidrosis) & living in Hell's Kitchen aka The Deep South doesn't help. But it can be 32 degrees & I'm sweating. I can be reading a book or riding a bicycle, physical activity worsens it but resting/relaxing doesn't lessen it.
Most days my hands will literally drip if I let them. I always have paper towels (which can usually be wrung out after 5 minutes) or I constantly wipe my hands across my pant legs. I have to rotate my mousepad in a circle because it gets damp & I'm surprised I haven't shorted out keyboards! Usually my fingers are pruney as if I've spent too much time in a tub or pool.
Everything is a challenge-playing a video game, scrapbooking, using my camera, even reading a book. Sometimes I can't use the touch screen on my phone because my hands are damp. I get frustrated with myself a lot even though I didn't do anything wrong & try to deal with this the best way I know how.
The worst part? It's not just my hands but my feet & underarms as well. I can't wear cute flip flops or sandals without fear of sliding around or having gross sweaty feet. I change my socks like crazy, I have a drawer full of antiperspirants & take 2 or 3 showers a day in the summer.
All of my clothes are picked out to minimize gross sweaty arm pits. No cute summer tops for me. Even my wedding dress was picked out for this reason. No adorable strapless gauzy frock for me.
You know when I really, truly knew I loved Darren? It was the summer of '00 a few months after we started dating. We decided to take off for Disneyworld for a few days. Orlando, middle of July, hotter than Hell. That really is my own personal hell with Hyperhidrosis. Every time I tried to pull my hands away from his, he just held on tighter. Either it didn't bother him or he was trying to score some serious points with me! Even now though, when I start pulling away he won't let me. He makes me comfortable even when I can't do it myself.
Now don't get me wrong, everyday isn't miserable. Well, it kinda is, but some days are better than others. Some times the Drysol works & I go a week without grabbing a paper towel to dry my hands. Or I find a great pair of flip flops with a lining in the bottom so I don't slide around. Or I can scrapbook without putting on stupid latex gloves. Those days make me think I'm almost like everyone else.
And I don't know why I decided to spill all of this other than the simple fact that I'm older & being weird or embarrassed simply doesn't mean the same thing it did to me 10 or 20 years ago. Plus it is really freaking exhausting to try & hide all of this & live with it at the same time.
So there you have it. This is me & something I live with everyday. It's not fun or pretty but it's not the worst thing to deal with either.
It is based on this sketch, which I usually don't like sketches/templates but I wanted to do something different & I like it.
